It was Me...

Years have passed by,
All the fears, I bid goodbye.
Days of the past I try and forget,
Words from the one I always regret.

Trying ever harder to make thy understand,
Just lost my self-confidence in the quick sand.
Always wanted to get what I deserved,
Spreading the ashes of the sentences I've served.

Driven into the an abyss never known,
A superunknown till I trip like a fawn.
On my knees the tears shall fall,
Denied a vague direction in this endless stroll.

This ain't a love ballad I sing thee,
Nor a poet never meant to be.
Stretched to the limit of what I am,
Now I know I'm living for who I am.

As I Die.

How much can I write?
About my depression, alcohol habits
and the sadness I feel
Before I start repeating myself
Or just get bored
Honestly, I don’t know
Perhaps I'll find out one day

Every day I follow patternized life
Go out and come back, prepare dinner,
Study, do some internet
And then go to bed
Not to sleep
Just to pattern heartbeat
Whether it’s working still
Wondering how

Then there are these loud voices
filling in every portion of ears
You are a looser
You lost everything
You were never anything successful in life
A daughter, a friend, a lover, a student,
A professional, an alcoholic, a poet
You don’t even know what the meaning of life is
Look at you. You, a complete failure

There are other loud voices telling you
You’ll never last the night without us.
You'll cave at 2 in the morning
And be worse off
Than what you are at this time

There is soft voice saying, what’s the harm?
You don’t miss work
You’re not mean

You tried to put your best
but somehow it didn't worked
You paid your duties
Here I'm and it’s you only
and it’s just a night
When its dark and you're alone
And there is no one else
who'll be with you.

And then there's my own voice
And the others are so dominate now
That I can’t even figure out
What it’s saying anymore or if it even cares.

By the way, I now love the depression
And I love how slowly it kills
And how silent death it is
And I am in love with my depression
And how it is slowly killing me
And what a silent death it is…

It’s not that bad actually
That’s what I have always
Thought of how I would like to die
I just never imagined it would come this way.
Cheers..!

O' Pain!

Ah! The woes of heart burn
Eh! Its growl and O! the mourn
Dying daily in thy concern
Ha! Amazed I see! Amazed I see!
How much harsh, you are to me
Alas! For me nothing you feel!
I stay lonely in woes and weal
Here is no zeal, no driving wheal
Only this pain, you gave to me
Hark! I bear in thy memory

The Friend Within

This particular writing is very personal to me and is dedicated to a friend of mine whom I have so much Faith in, so much Respect and Admiration (Someone who likes to hide in his shell and comes out from it when he's ready ha-ha!) n to all my friends out there whose Faith in someone remains strong even if the person they believe in, no longer believes in themselves. May your Faith in that someone helps them realize even when they no longer have Faith in themselves, even when they no longer believe in themselves... You'll always be there for them..

Dear You,
You have always been the kind whose kept to himself, when things are not working out or not the way you wanted it to be, you'd go hiding in your shell, leaving your friends and everyone around you wondering how you are? you would never say a word to anyone and others around you are left questioning themselves if they had done or said something that might have upset you and when you are done with what you needed to do or had taken the time you needed to sort things out, you'd come out of your shell bouncing back to your old self without apologizing or offering explanations. You're always like that and that's Okay. It's just the way your personality is, a lot of people doesn't get to really understand you, but I do. I just knew. I just knew from the patterns, from how you would appear and disappear, I just knew from observing you, I just knew some how.. Lately, you are back hiding in your shell, friends are asking about you, wondering how you are? wondering about the total silence, wondering about your little hide and seek patterns. Today I told a few friends of yours who mentioned about your silent treatment and you disappearing again from the face of the earth and I said " Give it time, it's just the way it is, when he's ready, he will come out of his shell, he will bounce back to his old self. Just be there for him, he needs you guys right now although he may not word it out, it's just the way he is, always kept to himself. Be there for him even if he tries his best to keep away give him space to sort things out on his own but make sure you guys make him aware that you have faith in him as I do.. "

I believe in YOU, even when at times your world falls apart, you lose faith in things you do, you lose motivations in things around you, you lose touch with the rest of the world and people in it. I still believe in YOU. I know how hard you tried I know how much you tried all your might to get to where you at, sometimes in our life, we lose focus on things that matters, may it be because of new aquaintances, new peers, new people we hang out with, sometimes we do things to ourselves we wouldn't normally do, sometimes in our lives we get lost. And it's Okay.... finding the wisdom and learning a lesson in our mistakes is what matters the most.. But I believe in YOU .. I always do! I know you will come out of it, things will starting to look better.. What you may be going through right now is something you would not want to discuss with anyone, perhaps out of shame? perhaps out of ego? perhaps out of confussions? or being out of focus? And that is OKAY!!! No matter what it is you are going through with phases in your life. I'll be right here ... KEEPIN' THE FAITH IN YOU even at this moment, you may not see that or feel that, I can only wish you would look around and see I am not the only one who cares deeply.. A lot of us do.. Your friends, your families. We all have Faith in YOU.

I can't comprehend why, but I just knew when you are not being okay, when you are not okay. I just knew.. Times like this is when I needed the most to let you know I have faith in YOU, that I believe in YOU. I guess that's what friends for eh? I have so much Faith in YOU that when you feel you are running out of Hope.. I want you to have some of mine. I believe in YOU so much that when you are starting to not believe in yourself, you can have some of mine. I have so much strenght in me that when you are starting to feel weak, you can have some of mine. I have so much Respect for you that when you are finding yourself lost... My respect for you will not be weakenned and I will respect you more in times of your weakness, I have so much admiration towards you, for the kind of person you are, for the person I know you are not the person others thinks of you, But that person I have seen with beautiful heart, beautiful soul. Because of that My Faith in YOU will remain true from the bottom of my heart.

Please know, WE are here for you, WE keep believing in YOU, Me, your friends, your buddies. I won't look at you any different, you don't have to be ashamed, you don't have to shy away because even in times of darkness in the corner of your world.. even when you no longer believe in yourself... I will always be here Believing in YOU, having Faith in YOU. YOU ONCE SAID TO ME " YOU GOT YOURSELF A FRIEND HERE" Now it's my turn to say the same ... YOU HAVE A FRIEND HERE WHO ALWAYS HAVE FAITH IN YOU, FOR WHO YOU TRULY ARE, FOR WHAT I KNOW YOU ARE, FOR WHAT THAT BEAUTIFUL SOUL YOU HAD SHOWN ME AND BECAUSE OF THAT... I WILL ALWAYS UNDERSTAND YOU ... You always hide in your shell but please know when ever you are ready to come out from it... "I'm just right here" Always Keeping the Faith, always believing in YOU.

PS:

There is nothing wrong with being weak sometimes, there is nothing shameful in making mistakes as long as YOU find wisdom and learn from it to grow into a Better Man ... There is nothing wrong with being Fallible, that's what Humans are cut out to be .... Fallible.... Learning from it, finding wisdom in it.... is what makes us Humane ..... "I'll be right here when you come out of that Shell:)) and I will not judge you but will respect YOU more.

Hello everyone!

I have made a NEW BLOG..
please do have a look!
Best wishes!

Love.
Priyanka
Priyanka's Neverland
www.priyankazneverland.blogspot.com

Mirror Image

I am in a mirror store

Infinites reflecting objects surrounds me

But no, not even a single one facing me,

I want to see myself......walked some steps..

Still no one facing me....

I am Impatient....still nothing facing me

Then I began to adapt to forget everything in me...

and my Impatience about ...

What happens now.........!!!
The mirrors Surrounding me becomes

A cone with its tip just above my head

And thus I came inside of me

I saw myself in such an inside-ness

Now who is this I don't know..

Is it me or my emptiness...

Framed ... ~~

For ages i just followed your bid;
Doing things for you, though ill at ease.
Heard you say things about whatever I did.
Always seeking approval,always trying to please.

But now no more putting up with the same;
Won't cut down my picture to fit your frame!
-------------------

Oh! So it is me you are afraid to lose?!
But Folks,when did you ever let me be me?
What you want of me is not what I choose.
Don't tell me what's right, just let me be!

If you make the rules,I won't play the game!
Won't cut down my picture to fit your frame!
--------------------

I care a damn what you think, is a mistake.
I am what I am;This is the way I want to live.
I just cannot keep doing things for your sake,
coz you cannot forget & you cannot forgive!!

You don't like it this way?!What a shame!
Won't cut down my picture to fit your frame!
-------------------

You don't like what I say? Go take a walk!
Will take your din no more,Will drown out the noise.
You said what you had to; it's my turn to talk
Mute for ages,now I have found my voice
Don't care what you call me;I will make a Name,
But won't cut down my picture to fit your frame! ! !

Poetess of the Dark..

Poetess of the dark..
Searching for words..
Loss of all senses..
Ripping her apart..
Looks up to see a familiar soul..
Sounds of silence all around..
Closes her Eyes in hope of a haven...
May be an escape into an ignorant bliss
Screams, Visuals, Hazy Creepiness
Everything but peace..
Wants to sleep...
Wide Awake, like a ghost..
Eyes fixed heavenwards..
Praying for a Miracle..
But, Prayer.. what Prayer..
There is no God..
Tears run down her cheeks..
No strength to Fight,
No will to rise..
Nobody to hear her plight..
And, so lies the poetess of dark.
Sleeps in dark, wakes up to dark..

The sudden "end"...

we met a few times
and made a few memories
but these memories are nothing
but a pack of rubbish worries.

if only he had been better
and also good to me
life might have been different today
for him and for me

he wanted some fun
i wanted a friend
the difference between the two
brought the sudden end... :')

... To The Other Side...

If I were to die today
And there just was no other way
And no place where I could hide
Would you come with me to the other side?

Death just seems so close to me
Right in front, but I just can't see
My time is up and no more can I bide
Would you come with me to the other side?

Darkness is brightest during light
When everything else is out of sight
I just seem to wash away with the tide
Would you come with me to the other side?

If I left one day and never came back
Know its not because my love for you does lack
If you hear that I have died
Would you come with me to the other side?

Never knowing when it all might end
My wishes to you right now I send
Know that you name was the last word I cried
Would you come with me to the other side?

So if I leave now never to return
Will you hurt? Will you burn?
And though apart from love, nothing else can I provide
Yet I ask, Would you come with me to the other side?

Alone is what we are...

Understand from the eternal drops,
Not to cry and shed your tears.
For who has gone and left you was never yours,
For you were alone, since you were born,
And will always be, in the time to come
Before with time apart you are torn.

Those you illusion to be together,
Were never there with you.
For the clouds come and the rain,
And move on ahead until they are gone.

Many more come along and the rain,
Soaking you in the short lived joy,
Reconstructing you to relief,
Making you fall again and destroy.

This is life, a comprehension
From where you are to comprehend.
To live in peace and joy forever
Its alone from your birth and alone when you end.

I'll be fine..perhaps...

Everything I see
Becomes a part of me
Everything I feel
Everything so real
So hard I try
These tears not to cry
Yet the fact remains so true
That I'm not meant to be without you
So no matter how many times I say
"I'll be fine", this pain still does find a way
To enter my mind, body and soul
Reminders of how once I was a whole
Pieces of me scattered in the sun
It must be ended, for once it was begun ... <3 <3 <3

My Drenched Dreams ...

Beleaguered by the demons
Of insurgent desires,
Bemoaning the fate
In a discordant choir

Dripping from the showers
Of false fabrications
Soaked in the misery
Of ambiguous convictions

Drenched Dreams!
My drenched Dreams!
Weary by the wanderings
On long & windy roads
Drained by carrying
The unbearable loads

Scorched by the sun
Heading the journey’s end
Parched lips yearn,
Eyes thirst the end:
End of the journey
And end of pain
Ending the life
The dreams remain…


Thirsty Dreams!
Killer Dreams!
My drenched Dreams!

Silences...

Sometimes,
silences are the best buddies,
when the heart breaks without noises
and heartbeats have no voices,
while left alone in dark alleys,
and the shadows turn their face,
and walk away.

Sometimes,
the silences are the ‘other’door ,
of the mind..;
to sneakout and run away,
from the numbing gloominess of a lost day..
When stumble over ,
the darkness clogged steps,
unable to discern the paths,
while searching,
frantically for density,
inside the emptiness of air,
some times,
silences are the best ropes,
to hang on,
clinging ,
to the roofs of an opaque life..

In the world of dingy twilights,
where you,me and we become one,
without substance of an identity,
where faces look inanimate,
with shadowy outlines,
and shades of black and white hues,
where contours appear as,
mixture of ridges and furrows ,
sometimes,
Silences are the best pals..
When one is lost,
in tracks with undefined goals,
and waves with unknown depths,
and when time stagnate and clot,
in bluish red veins of horizons,
when threads of hopes,
make tangled knots ,
with dreams,love and pain,
and life fall in the trap of expectations,
trying to escape vainly,
wounded and bleeding
sometimes,
Silences are the best friends..

A different waltz ...

I waltz,
With my shadow,
When they are long,
To hold my hand;
Twilight,
Into the night.

I dance to the whispers
Of wind passing by.
I hum notes of joy,
For having you close by.

Twilight ends,
And comes a time,
When I part with you again,
Silently, into the night.

Not yet Forgiven...

Not letting go the pain,
Not letting go the memories..
Letting go my pride..
I still in my words hide..
The hurt YOU gave me,
Forever to cherish!

not forcing you to listen..
not even wanting you..
i am still surviving
n will remain without dieing...

You may forgive me dear
Your forgiveness on the falling out
That all the more endears,
When we fall out with those we love
And kiss again with tears.................

Toke Bhalobashi. . .

JANI NA AMI KE ,KI AMAR PORICHOY
JANI NA KI CHAI, AMI KI AMAR HRIDOYER BASANA
JODI BOLI HOYTO TOR MONTA
TABU BOLTE PARBO NA "TOKE BHALOBASI"..........

MONE HOY PARBO NA TOR KOTHA BOLTE
TABU TOR SOPNATA AJO HRIDOY JURE
NISOBDE BHALOBESE JETE PARBO
TABU BOLTE PARBO NA "TOKE BHALOBASI"..........

SATA KOSTO TOR SATHE THAKE PARI
KATATE PARI SATA JANTRONI RAAT
MONE BOLE BHALO TOKEIII BASI
TABU BOLTE PARBO NA "TOKE BHALOBASI"..........

SHUDHU BHUJE NIS EI CHELETA EIROKOM
SAMAY PELE ASIS ER KACHE
KATATE PARIS SOMAY ER PACHE
PARLE BHUJE NIS "TOKE BHALOBASI"..........

Aamar pagli. . . :')

pagli aj tor kotha bar bar mone porche...
sokal bela ghum theke uthei tor nam dekhlam
khoborer kagojer patay..
tor namer ekta company'r add diye-chilo..

adbhut na.....
tui amai bhulte chas...
kintu ami toke bhulte parbo na...
sei adhikar ki nei amar?

naki etao tor dustumi...
chere diyeo amake sasti diye jabi..
tobe toke bhalo bashle sasti pabo keno?
tui je oi cheletakeo bhalo bashli?
sasti pabina tar...?

pagli tor kotha mone kore kadbo na..
na chokh theke jol felina kokhnoi....
pourush bojay rakhte hobe na..
pagli...ekta din dibi,
jedin purshke sorie sudhu-
manusher moto kadbo...

jani ar tui kichui dibi na..
aj tor notun golpo suru korar din..
aj tor biye...
tai subho bibaho janalam toke!!

Jeebon theke Jeeboney. . .

pakhi hoye ure chole somoy.
or ekta ekta paloke,
ekta ekta jibon.

nodi hoye boye jay jibon.
or ekta ekta srotey,
ekta ekta khushi.

taara hoye futey othe khushi.
or bindu bindu aaloy,
bindu bindu dukkho.

oshroo hoye jhore pore dukkho.
or fonta fonta jole,
onek khani jibon.. .

My QUOTES Collection Part I

What is this life if full of care; we have no time to stand and stare.

Sit quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.

Strength lies in differences, not in similarities.

Never be afraid to do something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the titanic.

We all have ability. The difference is how we use it.

We must overcome the notion that we must be regular... it robs you of the chance to be extraordinary and leads you to the mediocre.

You're the only one who can make the difference. Whatever your dream is, go for it. ..but first...go to sleep for a while~

I try to avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.

We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.

When life knocks you down, try to land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up. Let your reason get you back up.

When walking through the "valley of shadows," remember, a shadow is cast by a Light.

All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible.

I do not try to dance better than anyone else. I only try to dance better than myself.

Before everything else; getting ready is the secret of success.

Don't find fault. Find a remedy.

Good, better, best; never let it rest till your good is better and your better is best.